


The Side Who Didn't Like Musicals

by StayHydr8ted



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Alien Invasion, Apocalypse, BAMF Logic | Logan Sanders, Character Death, Coffee, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is Extra, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Little Shit, Dr. Emile Picani is a Sweetheart, Everyone Is Gay, Guns, Injury, M/M, Mild Gore, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Musicals, Singing, Sleep | Remy Sanders is a Little Shit, Songfic, Sort Of, The guy who didn't like musicals AU, i just kinda took the plot of TGWDLM and threw the sides in it, mostly just talk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27811006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StayHydr8ted/pseuds/StayHydr8ted
Summary: Logan Croft is a perfectly normal man who leads a perfectly normal (if slightly dull) life. He has things he likes, like mystery novels, neckties, and the cute barista at Beanies. He has things he dislikes, like cigarettes, sports, and his coworker Janus.But there is one thing he despises above all else- Logan hates musicals.Too bad he's about to be in one.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Comments: 40
Kudos: 27





	1. The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals

**Author's Note:**

> gonna be honest, this is purely self indulgence. I just really wanted to see the sides in TGWDLM- I didn't change a lot of plot points, so spoilers for TGWDLM if you haven't seen it for some reason. That being said, hope you enjoy!
> 
> I'll add individual warnings at the beginning of each chapter, but let me know if I miss anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: food, swearing

In the tiny town of Sandersville lived a boring middle-aged man named Logan Croft. His life was completely normal. He wasn’t some crime fighting superhero, he worked as an accountant at an office from 9 to 5. He wasn’t some ripped protagonist, he was perfectly average in physical strength, if a little on the skinny size, and ate cheap but healthy meals for lunch and dinner. He didn’t live in some fancy house filled with secrets and stories, he lived in a crappy one-bedroom apartment with a 30 year old air conditioning system that was constantly breaking. He wasn’t deep in some romance, the last date he had been on was a year ago with a nice young fellow he met at a conference. The guy was sweet, but needed someone capable of feeling deep and sensual emotions, and that person was not Logan. They parted ways after a month.

Logan liked many things. He liked a good mystery novel before bed. He liked turning his work in on time and getting a “Good job on those spreadsheets, Croft,” from his boss, Mr. Duke. He liked when his favorite sports team won a game. He liked when his tie matched his shirt and jacket. He liked when the purple haired barista at the cafe made small talk while taking his order, or when they brushed the bangs out of their eyes to reveal two startlingly green irises surrounded by black eyeliner, or when he tapped his painted nails against the counter while waiting for the coffee to brew, or when- Did he mention he liked mystery novels?

Logan also had dislikes, like any person would. He disliked cigarettes, the smoke made him cough. He disliked being invited to join the company softball team. He disliked one of his coworkers, Janus, who was lazy and sarcastic. He disliked when the purple-haired barista was off for the day, and he had to order from one of the other baristas, who were flirtatious, annoying and fake. But there was one thing he disliked most, above all else. Logan despised musicals.

October 20th was a perfectly normal day. Logan sat at his desk in his cubicle, typing away at his laptop. At 11:30 one of his coworkers, wearing a tan sweatervest and a pink tie, peeked around the separator at his desk.

“Um, hey Logan,” asked Emile. Of his coworkers, he probably liked Emile the most (which wasn’t saying much, he didn’t think highly of any of them). He was quiet, and not as social as some of the other people in the office, if his obsession with cartoons was a little much. “I just printed out an email, but I think I sent it to your printer, do you mind…”

Logan sighed, and leaned over. Sure enough, a printout with Emile’s name on it was hanging out of his printer.

“Here you are. Remember to print from printer HG768, not HG769.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

Logan nodded sharply, and leaned back over his keyboard. He desperately wanted a coffee.

“Hey Logan!”

Logan sighed. It hadn’t even been 5 minutes since his last interruption. Patton, a sweet guy wearing a baby-blue polo and a gray hoodie around his neck rolled out of his cubicle to sit next to him. “Sooooooo, my favorite guy, I’m taking Alice out tonight, and I was wondering, ya know, if you were available? Like backup!”

Patton took Alice to the office once on ‘take your daughter to work day’ and she seemed to like him, and since then Patton had been inviting him to every one of their outings in an attempt to connect with her more. 

“Where are you taking her?” Asked Emile, when Logan ignored him.

Patton brightened. “Well, Jamie took her to see Hamilton last month, so I figured I’d do something similar, so guess who’s got tickets to Mamma Mia?!”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll like Hamilton just as much as Mamma Mia.” Janus had joined the conversation now, much to Logan’s dislike.

“Oh, I sure hope so! Anyway,” Patton turned back to Logan. “So whaddaya say, Mamma Mia tonight?”

Logan sighed. “I’m sorry Patton, I’m afraid I will have to decline.”

“Oh, are you busy?”

“No, I just don’t want to.”

“Oh.” Patton looked dejected.

“It’s not that I don’t like you, Patton,” Logan added, “I don’t like musicals.”

“Who doesn’t like musicals?” Emile questioned.

“Who watches cartoons at age 29?” Janus interjected.

Emile blushed. “I’ll have you know cartoons these days have a lot of messages that go right over kids heads. They are quite enjoyable for adults as well as children!” There wasn’t much that got Emile heated, but cartoons did.

Janus simply scoffed.

“Come on, Logan, please? You’re really not gonna be there to help me reconnect with my kid?” Patton went back to the topic at hand.

Why me? Thought Logan. “Maybe someone else will go with you Patton.” He tried to focus on his work again while the conversation continued around him.

“How about you, Emile? Wanna help me out?”

“Sorry Patton, Remy’s taking the night off tonight and I’ve been looking forward to getting some quality time in with him.”

Patton pouted.

“Why are you even asking anyone, Pat? Shouldn’t this just be you and your kid?” Asked Janus.

Patton blushed. “Well, um, if someone else was there… she wouldn’t be able to take Deb.”

“Her girlfriend?”

“It’s not that I don’t like her! I just don’t like the person she Alice is around her, and she’s totally a stoner, and she’s a bad influence on Alice, and- gosh, I just don’t like her!”

Logan stood up suddenly. He needed a coffee. “I’m going on break,” he said, sidestepping past Patton and grabbing his scarf. “I’ll be back in thirty.”

“Where ya headed, Logie? Going to Beanies again?” Janus leaned his head on his palms. “Visiting that cute barista?”

Patton gasped. “What cute barista?!”

Logan’s cheeks reddened against his will. “I simply wish to support local businesses.”

“Ah yes, I’m sure that’s the only reason you’d rather go to Beanies than the Starbucks across the street which actually makes good coffee.”

Logan blushed more, and quickly turned on his heel, wrapping himself in the scarf.

“Hey, get me a chai iced tea will you?” Janus shouted as he left.

\---

Virgil hated his job. If it weren’t for the fact that the minimum wage he got from it was the only thing keeping him fed while he struggled through online school, he would’ve left before he even started. And even before he started he had no idea what a shitty job this would be. His coworkers, two theater kids in college, were stuck-up bitches (One of them never even did any work!). The machines were old and constantly broke, sometimes he’d have to punch the espresso machine to get it to squirt out the black sludge they called “coffee”. And he absolutely despised customer service. Case in point, the man who just walked in, staring at his phone.

Virgil plastered on his fake smile. “Hello sir, what can I get for you?”

The man didn’t even look up. “Yeah can I get a grande caramel frap in a venti cup with two pumps of hazelnut three shots of espresso no caramel drizzle with whip on top?”

Virgil held back a wince. “$5.50” he said through his teeth.

“Jesus, fine.” The man said, still looking at his phone.

Virgil turned and started on the order. The man finally looked up from his phone and noticed a tip jar with a sign, and grinning, popped a dollar in. 

“Hey” He said, getting Virgils attention. Virgil turned.

“Yes, sir?” He said through his teeth.

“I just tipped you.”

“Oh. Thanks.” He went back to work on the drink.

“Aren’t you gonna sing?”

Virgil stifled a groan. He turned around, and sure enough, the ‘Tip for a Song’ sign was back up, leaning against a mostly empty jar. He thought he took that down.

“Sorry, sir, I’d really rather not. You see, my coworkers are both theater students, so they thought it’d be a good way to get some extra tips, but there's people working, and I don’t wanna make a scene or anything, so-”

“Well I just tipped you so come on.” The man leaned on the counter. Virgil couldn’t stop himself anymore.

“Well, did you tip to be nice or did you do it to be an asshole?”

The man glared at him. “Fine then, I’ll take it back.”

“Oh no, what am I gonna do with that one dollar I have to share with 5 other people?”

The man stuffed the dollar back into his pocket angrily. “I’m never coming back here again. I bet your coffee’s shit anyway.”

“Wow, so mean,” he said sarcastically, flipping the man off as he stompped out, pushing past a guy in a scarf who just entered. 

Virgil yawned as he pushed his fluffy purple bangs out of his eyes. He’d probably get told off by Zoey when she and Chloe came back from wherever they went to scope out cute boys, but he didn’t care. He greeted the man who just walked up, putting on another fake smile.

“Hi sir, sorry you had to see that sir, what can I get you?”

“It is perfectly fine, that man sounded terrible.”

Virgil looked at him, startled. The man in front of him was tall, with his perfectly combed black hair swept to the side and a pair of professional-looking black glasses on his face. His face expressed no emotion, but his eyes gave off the same ‘fuck everything’ energy Virgil saw in the mirror every morning. He was attractive, too, and familiar somehow. “Have I seen you somewhere before?”

The man seemed to blush slightly, or maybe it was the cold October air. “I’ve come here quite regularly in the past month.”

“Oh yeah, black coffee no cream, right?”

“That’s it.”

“I’ll get that started for you.”

He slid over to the machine as the man tossed a tip in the jar and Virgil groaned. “Come on, man, really?”

The man’s expression didn’t change. Virgil rolled his eyes and started singing in the most loud and obnoxious manner he could. “I’VE BEEN BREWIN’ UP YOUR COFFEE-”

“What are you doing?” The man stopped him.

Virgil glared at him. “You tipped.”

The man glanced down and noticed the sign. “Oh, you really don’t need to do that.”

“Oh.” Virgil’s face suddenly flushed, embarrassed. “Thanks, I guess.” They stood awkwardly for a minute.

“Cause you know if I have to sing for a tip, it’s not much of a tip, right? It’s just another badly paying job on top of this one, and most people tip like a dollar anyway and splitting that with my coworkers that's like a quarter a song, so it’s like I’m a jukebox, except a jukebox doesn’t also have to make shitty coffee for a bunch of assholes- not that your an asshole!” He quickly added. God, where did that tangent come from? He was such an idiot, he just scared off a regular, he was gonna get fired for sure.

The man just stood there, and then nodded. “That sounds terrible, I’m sorry. Do continue.”

Virgil stared at him, and after a moment, he continued, as he brewed the coffee. “I’m just so sick of everyone who comes in here thinking they’re all high and mighty. Even my coworkers seem to think they’re better than everyone, like, Zoey, my manager? She hired all her theater friends and they just won’t shut up about boys and school and shows and goddamn the singing. They performed Beauty and the Beast with their company last summer and they will not stop talking about it.”

“I saw it,” the man said, “hated it. I don’t like musicals.”

“Is that so?” Virgil finished pouring the coffee and passed him the cup. “So, why do you come here then? There's a Starbucks around the corner you know.”

“Oh, um, well...” the man took a sip of the coffee and winced. “Better coffee.”

Virgil laughed slightly, and messed with his bangs nervously. The man didn’t leave, he just stood there, occasionally sipping his coffee and looking at Virgil, who looked around awkwardly. Virgil decided to take the chance. “I’m Virgil by the way.”

“I know.”

Virgil stared at him. “Excuse me?” The man pointed to Virgil’s chest, where a nametag on his apron read his name. “Oh, right.” Virgil laughed a little. God, he was an idiot.

“I’m Logan. Logan Croft.”

“Huh, like the jam?”

Logan blinked at him, confused.

“You know, Crofters Jam?”

“I’m afraid I am unfamiliar.”

“Hold on, you’re not leaving till you try this. Here-” He used the tongs to grab a small thumbprint cookie from a jar near the register and slid it across the counter. “On the house.”

Logan picked it up and curiously took a bite, closing his eyes. He then appeared to melt in front of Virgil.

“You like it?”

He opened his eyes, and that glimmer in his eyes, that smile, Virgil’s heart would do anything for that smile. “This is exquisite. What flavor is that?”

“Um, raspberry, I think.”

Logan finished the cookie in seconds, but caught himself smiling and composed himself. It took everything in Virgil not to shout at him to keep smiling, it was beautiful. “Thank you very much, that was delightful. I should be heading out, but, um,” He seemed to want to add something, but stopped himself. “I’ll see you around, Virgil?”

“Yup, I’ll be here.” He laughed again. Why did he keep laughing? He was acting like an idiot. Logan waved, and left with his coffee. Virgil waved a little too, before falling over onto the countertop and groaning. He grabbed a cookie for himself and chewed it thoughtfully. Fuck, he was gay.

\---

That night, everything went to shit.

\---

“Are you sure you’re gonna be ok in this storm, Rem?”

Emile was curled up on the couch of their small apartment, staring out the third story window at the rain slamming against the glass, pressing a cellphone to his ear. “I know, I know, just you said you’d be home tonight… are you sure? Because the couples therapist said- yeah alright, tomorrow then. I love-” there was a click as the person on the other line hung up. “-you.” He sighed, and set the phone on the coffee table.

“He’ll be fine,” he said to the quiet apartment. He grabbed the remote and the familiar opening song to Steven Universe started playing.

“We, are the Crystal Gems” he sang to himself as a large object began plummeting towards Earth.

\---

Remy clicked off his cellphone and stuck it in his back pocket, still wearing his police uniform. He was off duty, but Emile didn’t need to know that. He loved Emile, really, but tonight he had other plans. He sauntered to the front doors of the Starlight theater, sneaking up on a tall man in a tank top sitting outside under an umbrella, staring at his phone.

“License and registration,” Remy said next to him, tipping down his sunglasses. The other man looked startled. “You’re such a dick, Remy.” Then he pulled him close. “But you look sexy in that uniform.”

Remy leaned in close, grinning. “I know babe. Come on, let’s head in. Can’t have you getting wet… yet. Night’s still young.” They walked into the theater to get their seats, Remy’s arm wrapped around the other man flirtatiously.

\---

Janus was on his way to the show when the rain really picked up. He was running late, and turned down an unfamiliar street, looking for a shortcut to the theater. He squinted through his windshield, trying to see through the pouring rain. A dog ran out onto the street in front of him, and he swerved to avoid it.

“Shit!” He shouted, losing control as his old car spun and slid to a stop in a ditch on the side of the road. He panted for a minute, trying to calm down. He got out of his car, the rain still coming down and showing no sign of stopping. The dog was in the middle of the road, staring at him. He flipped it off.

He checked his watch. Yep, he was missing the show. He kicked the car and pulled out his phone, pulling his jacket over his head. He was still wearing his hat, and he wouldn’t have it be ruined by the rain. There was a bright flash of light and Janus looked up. Something huge was streaking through the sky, falling fast and hard.

“What the fuck is that…” He said to himself.

\---

“Is Deb on the bus with you? Ok, listen, I’m stuck in some pretty bad traffic right now, so just wait for me outside the theater until I get there, ok kiddo? How about we go to Red Lobster after?” 

The person on the other line said something. “What’d you mean Deb’s a vegan? She can still eat fish, right?” Patton asked. The person responded, sounding annoyed. He sighed. “Ok, see you soon Ali.”

Patton hung up and hit his head against the steering wheel. As he crawled through the traffic, there was a flash of light in the sky. Something was barreling towards the Earth at a quick speed. He watched as it hit somewhere in the city. The only thing he could think was he hoped Alice was alright.

\---

Virgil was pissed off and annoyed. He had gotten a lecture from Zoey, and had to practically beg on his knees to keep the job. He hated having to do that. He got off the bus, cursing as he hugged his hoodie close over his uniform. He ran inside, looking forward to a hot shower. He didn’t even notice as something came barreling out of the sky towards the city.

\---

Logan was in bed, reading a delightful mystery novel. He was enjoying a cup of tea, and different from the norm had accompanied it with a slice of toast with the jam he had picked up on his way home. He took a bite, and smiled as it reminded him of Virgil. His little giggle when he mentioned the coffee, the smile he gave him after giving him a cookie- he couldn’t help but blush to himself before trying to turn his attention back to the novel. He heard something outside, maybe a crash of lighting, and hoped Virgil was ok in this storm.

\---

Roman Prince bolted outside of his house when the light flashed. He grabbed his jacket, and stared up at shock at the object barreling towards the Earth.

“Good God,” he whispered. He stood there in shock.

Then he shouted towards the sky. “Come at me you bastards! You think I, the great Roman Prince, haven’t been preparing? I’ve been waiting in the wings, and now the stage is set! It’s showtime!”

He ran, top speed, back into his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter we get to the ~singing~


	2. La Dee Dah Dah Day!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something very strange is happening with the world today, and Logan isn't happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins...
> 
> _“Singing will look like this_  
>  _in italics”_
> 
> "While normal speaking looks like this, per usual"
> 
> tw: singing and dancing, swearing

Logan got up at 7:30 the next morning, the same time he always did. He turned on the radio as he brushed his teeth and combed through his hair, making sure he looked professional. He tightened his favorite navy blue striped tie and adjusted the collar of his polo accordingly, and gave his glasses a quick clean. The only change to his routine was the jam lathered toast he now had for breakfast. The radio was finishing some story about some famous squirrel in the park.

“The community has come together to build a- get this, John, a squirrel home. In other news, a giant meteor from space has crashed-”

Logan flipped the radio off. Just junk. He checked himself in the mirror one more time before grabbing his jacket and computer bag, heading out for another perfectly normal day.

Except something was definitely off. The rain had stopped overnight, thankfully, but everyone around him seemed cheerier, bouncier. He had to do a double take as an old man skipped- actually skipped, who does that- by him.

“What is going on,” he whispered to himself. He quickened his pace, deciding the best thing he could do was get to work as quickly as possible. Hopefully this would all be blown over by midday.

He picked up his pace and glanced at his watch, wondering if he could go to Beanies before work this time. He wondered if Virgil would be working there yet. Distracted, he accidentally ran into a young woman wearing an apron promoting some charity to help the environment.

“Apologies,” he started to say, but was interrupted as she started to… sing?

_“Just a typical day_  
_That's got me feeling_  
_In a beautiful way_  
_No rhyme or reason”_

She grabbed his hands. Suddenly, Logan was very uncomfortable.

_“We could sing a duet_  
_Dance a style or two”_

He jerked his hands away, wincing at how tight her grip was. There were little nail marks around where she had grabbed him.

_“Or I'll make you a bet_  
_Just a smile will do!_  
_Sometimes I just wanna shout_  
_On top of roof and mountain tops_  
_All the world is paved in gold”_

Two other street goers ran up behind her and started mimicking her dancing and movements. Logan didn’t scare easily, but he was certainly confused.

_“Yesterday is retroactive_  
_Got myself a new perspective_  
_I strut it up and down the road_  
_So I throw out my worries_  
_And my old skin away_  
_Doing what I want to_  
_On this la dee dah dah day!_

Logan stumbled back as everyone in the vicinity suddenly dropped what they were doing and sang along with her. It was like they shared a mind, all doing the same actions in perfect sync, harmonizing and everything, singing one line, over and over.

_“La dee dah dah day!_  
_La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah day_  
_La dee dah dah day!”_

“What the fuck,” he whispered to himself, finally backing away enough that he wasn’t in between any of the dancers. He straightened his tie and turned to continue to the office when he was stopped by a homeless man.

“Spare change for the homeless?” he asked.

“Sorry, I don’t have anything on me.” He really needed to get out of there.

“Hey man, it’s cool.” Suddenly the homeless man burst into song directly in front of Logan.

_“Cause I may not have a home_  
_But that's way okay_  
_'Cause I prefer to roam_  
_The streets all day_  
_The world is my house_  
_The dogs are my food_  
_Oh, look—a new blouse!_  
_And a new trash can too!”_

He was closing in on Logan now.

_“I used to want to kill them all_  
_While high on bath salt zombie drugs_  
_And snacking on a dead man's face.”_

Logan gulped. “Excuse me?”

_“But that just feels like yesterday_  
_This song takes all the pain away_  
_My politics and house views changed”_

He backed up, and Logan started slowly trying to get away from the growing group of dancers backing up the man.

_“Dancing on the concrete_  
_Used to hurt a lot_  
_But now I got new feet_  
_And this jam's just way too hot”_

And the rest of the people joined in again. There must have been a crowd of thirty, forty people dancing in the middle of the street, perfectly in sync.

_“La dee dah dah day!_  
_La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah day_  
_La dee dah dah day!”_

Logan finally got up the courage to tap one of the dancers on the shoulder. “Um, excuse me sir, what is going on here? This whole thing is quite concerning-”

_“Do you wanna save the planet?”_

It was the charity girl again. As she sang, the entire group turned to face Logan. They began responding to her in a call and response.

_“Of course you want to save the planet”_

_“Do you wanna save the planet?”_

_“Well, there's just one way you can do it”_

_“By singing a song”_

_“Singing along!”_

The whole group surrounded Logan. This was his own personal nightmare. This was a dream, it had to be, right? People were singing all around him. Suddenly they stopped and stood straight up, and began singing as a choir.

_“La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah_  
_Dah dee dah dee_  
_Dah dah_  
_Day!”_

Screw dignity, Logan thought. He made a mad dash through the group, clutching his computer bag, and sprinted the rest of the way to the office. He could still hear them finishing as he finally made it to the building and got inside as quickly as possible.

_“La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah day_  
_La dee dah dah day!_  
_La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah_  
_La dee dah dah day_  
_Day..._  
_Away…”_

The charity women stepped forward for the big finisher.

_“La dee dah dah”_

And the rest of the group sang the last line with her.

_“Day!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short, next chapter is already written (and things only get weirder). Expect an update soon!


	3. What Do You Want, Logan?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan tries to figure out what's going on, but instead learns a lot more about his boss than he ever wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: choking, singing, Remus

Logan finally got to the office and sat down at his desk, still slightly shaken. Emile was at the snack table nearby, brewing a pot of coffee and staring into the distance while Patton ranted his problems to him.

“-And when I finally met up with Alice we found the whole theater was destroyed by that meteor! Huge hole, right through the stage and everything!”

Emile was nodding along absentmindedly, pouring sugar into his coffee.

“It completely ruined my last day with her before she buses back to Hatchetfeild and… Woah, you got enough coffee in your sugar there, Emile?”

Emile looked down at the coffee pot, which he was still adding sugar to. “Oh! I didn’t even realize. I’ll make some more.”

Patton put his hand on Emile’s shoulder. “You doin’ ok, kiddo?”

“Yeah, fine, it’s just Remy.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No, no, it's just... well he didn't come home last night, but he rolled in this morning and was just so cheery. It wasn’t like him. He was dancing around, and singing this little tune in the shower. I’ve never heard Remy sing the whole time I’ve known him, unless you count drunken karaoke nights. He didn't sound like himself, either. I'm probably just imagining things but... It worried me.”

Logan was suddenly interested. He got up and walked over to Emile. “Emile, do you recall what was he singing?”

“It was just some little tune. La dee dah-”

“-dah day?” Logan finished.

Emile looked up at him, confused. “Yes, how did you know?”

Logan adjusted his glasses. “I had a rather odd experience this morning. On my walk to work, a large amount of people were singing and dancing to that same tune, and I am unaware of any holidays occurring today that would call for such an event.”

“Did you get a video?” asked Janus from his desk. He was leaning backwards in his swivel chair, twirling a yellow pen lazily.

“I was distracted trying to get to work.”

“Probably a flash mob, Logan, nothing more.”

Logan swallowed. “It was rather… disturbing, to be honest.”

Janus rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure a group of people dancing and singing in the streets was absolutely terrifying.”

Logan glared in his direction. He was about to make some comment at Janus’s expense, but they were interrupted by Remus’s assistant.

“Logan, Mr. Duke would like to see you for a moment.” She said.

“Thank you, Madison,” He responded. He sent one last glare at Janus, who was still twirling his pen in a gloved hand with a smirk, before leaving for their boss’s office.

\---

Logan stepped into Remus’s office, the door wide open per usual. He wasn’t a particularly harsh manager, and would sometimes leave his office to chat with Janus, who he got along quite well with (they had a similar sense of humor), or enjoy a cup of coffee from the conference room. He had a desk in his room, but was more often seen milling around his office on the phone, or examining the many pictures on his walls, rarely sitting down for long periods of time. Which is why Logan was surprised to see Remus lounging in the chair behind his desk, today's newspaper wide open covering his face.

“Apologies, Mr. Duke, I’m afraid I am unsure as to the reason for-”

“Sit down, Croft.” Remus said, not removing the paper form in front of his face. He was wearing a forest green blazer with a neon green tie, which Logan found to be rather unprofessional, but said nothing. He gestured to the chair on the other side of the desk. Logan adjusted his glasses nervously and sat down.

“As I was saying, sir, I-”

“Logan,” Remus cut him off. “You are one of the brightest of our branch. Your skills with numbers are undeniable, you are smart and good to your coworkers, not to mention attractive.”

Logan coughed. “Um, thank you sir, but-”

“So only one question remains,” Remus continued, lowering his newspaper to reveal a mad grin under his mustache.

_“What do you want, Croft?”_

Logan blinked. “Excuse me?”

_“Tell me what you desire to see_   
_Your deepest intent, Croft_   
_What do you see for this company?”_

“Why are you… why are you singing, sir.”

_“I'm looking for someone with strong ambition_   
_Someone to sell their specific vision_   
_Someone to share with precise precision_   
_their thoooooughts_   
_'Cause I want you to want”_

Remus suddenly stood and slid over the desk to Logan’s side.

“ _To want”_

Remus started pacing dramatically around the room, as Logan craned his neck to watch him. “So, what do you want, Logan? What's that one concrete goal that motivates all your actions?”

“I don’t believe I have one of those, sir.”

“Well, then how's anyone supposed to sympathize with you, Logan?” He was still pacing, and grinning.

“Well, I suppose I want what anyone wants. A stable job and income, maybe a partner someday, a nice house in the suburbs-”

Remus suddenly swept in close to him, standing directly over him. He mimed his every action in dramatic hand movements.

_“I want you to want, Croft_   
_A man so vague just can't be trusted_   
_Something you pine for_   
_Maybe someone who keeps you lusted”_

He mimed out a rather explicit motion of a large pair of testicles as he sang.

_“I'm just a boss, I'm not an idea guy_   
_I hired you Croft to keep our stock high_   
_But if you can't pin the point that's in the sky_   
_Then I want you to want!”_

He grabbed Logan’s shoulders suddenly, and grinned wildly at him.

_“To want”_

He pulled away. Logan stared at him, wide eyed and confused, as he continued, pairing his words with dramatic dances and movements.

_“D'you know what I want for myself?_   
_I've waited for so long_   
_To tell somebody else”_

He reached over Logan and grabbed a framed photo on the desk.

_“Jesse, my light_   
_You're my muse, you shine so bright_   
_Jesse, my love_   
_I want you to choke me out at night”_

He placed a hand sensually around his own neck. Logan was somehow even more uncomfortable. He began trying to leave, slowly standing from the chair.

_“I want you to choke me_   
_I want you to choke me_   
_I want you to choke me while I jerk off_   
_I want you to choke me while I jerk off.”_

He suddenly turned and pointed past Logan to the door. Logan whipped his head around to see Madison, the assistant, standing there waiting. “Madison, get my fiance on the phone!”

Logan coughed. “Mr. Duke, I think I should leave…”

“No, Logan, I want you to hear this, if you leave, you're fired.”

Logan quickly sat back down. A few moments later there was a ringing and Remus flung himself dramatically towards the phone on the desk. “Jesse! Yes, everything's fine, I promise. I just wanted to tell you something. I uh, I forgot what it was. Maybe someday I'll remember. Goodbye…”

There was a moment of silence as Remus placed down the phone with a click. Logan could hear the clock ticking in the corner. He was about to ask if he could go now when Remus suddenly broke into song again.

_“Croft, now you know what it is to want.”_

“Mr. Duke, sir, I’d really like to leave-”

_“It consumes a man with a passion_   
_To drive the primary plot_   
_So take up yoga or improv classes_   
_Volunteer at shelters or Twitch to the masses!_   
_There's gotta be something that'll keep my hands off you”_

Remus leapt towards the chair where Logan was sitting and pushed himself up next to him. Logan could feel the bristles of his mustache on his cheek, and his breath quickened. He wanted out.

_“Off youuuuuuuuuu_   
_'Cause I want you to want!”_

He jumped off Logan again and Logan took the opportunity to get as far away as possible. “I’m going to go on break, sir, get some coffee from Beanies, do you want anything?” He said, straightening his glasses and leaping out of the chair.

_“No, I need you to want!”_

“How about an iced caramel frappe, nothing better!” Logan scurried out of the room, pushing past Madison, who was grinning widely, and grabbing his jacket, before rushing out of the building.

_“And if you don't want_   
_We're through”_

Remus suddenly noticed Logan was gone. He looked left and right, theatrically, asking. “Croft? Croft?”

Then struck a pose with his arms wide out.

_“Logan!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Remus so much. Rest assured, he will return :)


	4. Cup of Roasted Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan goes to find Virgil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: poisoning, singing+dancing, language

Logan was having a terrible day. He wasn’t sure what had come over his boss, but he didn’t like it one bit. He started thinking about his day in steps. First, get to Beanies. Then, get a black coffee. Maybe chat with Virgil again. Call in sick to the office for the day, then head home. Then, do a quick google search to find out if today was some holiday or something. Lastly, spend the rest of the day watching documentaries on the couch. Easy peasy. Nothing could go wrong. Still, he found himself glancing nervously at every person he passed on the sidewalk until he reached Beanies, wondering if they were going to burst into song. Finally, Finally, he reached the little cafe. It was fuller than yesterday, with a few customers enjoying coffee or reading the paper. There was a group of businessmen chatting loudly at a nearby table as well. He glanced at them distrustfully, and walked up to the counter. After waiting a few minutes and seeing no barista, he rang the little bell. Please be Virgil, Please be Virgil, he thought.

A hand holding a pot of coffee appeared from the back room, and Virgil walked out, singing a soft tune.

“Black coffee, I’m your coffee man  
Here at coffee-”

“No!” Logan shouted before he could stop himself. “No, not you to Virgil! Please, stop singing.”

Virgil stared at him shocked. “Ok, ok, yeah, you ok buddy?”

Logan looked at him wide-eyed. “You- you stopped?”

“Yeah, I mean, gotta keep my customers happy right?” Virgil shrugged. “Oh, I forgot. You’re the guy who doesn’t like musicals. Logan, yeah?”

Logan nodded, and adjusted his glasses nervously. He glanced around, noticing some of the patrons staring at him, and coughed. “Um, yes. A black coffee, please. And, um...” He glanced at some of the pastries. “One of those cookies again, thank you.”

Virgil finger-gunned at him. “Heh, you got it.” He grabbed a cookie out of the jar and slipped it in a bag.

Logan couldn’t stop staring at him. “You’re talking to me? Like a person?”

Virgil glanced at him as he started on the coffee. “Yeah, and if my boss catches me I’ll get fired. New company policy, sing when people order, pay, get their drinks, everything. It really is Coffeeshop: The Musical down here right now, so you may need to find a new regular place. Not that I want you to leave!” He added quickly, “Just cause’ ya don’t like musicals and stuff, and-”

Logan grabbed him by the wrists suddenly and pulled him close. “Virgil, I pride myself on being logical and rational in everyday life, so I need you to listen closely when I tell you that there is something very wrong with the world today.”

Virgil was confused, and a little worried. “I mean yeah, I spent this morning learning some dumb new tip song, but-”

“No no Virgil you’re not listening, look,” Logan said, trying to stay calm. He glanced around again, then leaned in close. “There is something very, very sinister infecting Sandersville. And to the best of my knowledge, the world…” he took a deep breath, and whispered. “Is becoming a musical.”

Virgil stared at him. “Riiiight, listen, I’m just gonna finish your coffee, and-”

“You’re not listening to me Virgil, I-”

He was interrupted as one of the businessmen walked up and dropped a dollar in the tip jar, and two doll-faced barista girls, one with ponytails and one with a bob cut, leaned out of the back room in unison.

“Virgil~” they said in a sickening sing-song voice. “Tiiiip,”

“Thank god,” Virgil muttered, and then made a quick excuse to Logan. “Look sorry, I’ve gotta do this tip song and…” He shrugged and pulled away, hurrying around the counter to join the other two baristas, who were standing in a spot where some tables and chairs had been moved to make a small dance floor. Logan figured he’d wait, so he stepped backwards and sat in a chair to watch.

_“Get your cup of roasted coffee_   
_Your morning cup of Joey_   
_We'll make a jamming cup of java_   
_Mocha latte with the froth for you, Jack”_

They clapped and spun, the two girls much more enthusiastically than Virgil, who looked rather bored.

_“Frappuccino_   
_With the freshly roasted mung beans_   
_It's a caramel drizzle mud in a cup_   
_With a drip, drip, drip-drip, drip_   
_And we'll bring it right up!”_

Virgil rolled his eyes towards Logan as he harmonized over the bob cut girl, who soloed a verse. Logan couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that had settled in his stomach.

_“Hey Mr. Business_   
_How do you do?_   
_Can we get a triple for you?_   
_Decaf! Whaaat?_   
_Decaf! Whaaat?_   
_Doo-doo do-doo-doo_   
_Do-doo-doo do-doo-doo_   
_And we'll bring it right up!_   
_Oy oy oy!”_

The three of them began dancing around the room, refilling people's coffees. The two female baristas pressed warm mugs into the hands of the three suit-clad businessmen, who were greatly enjoying the performance, one even tapping his toe along to the song. Virgil, meanwhile, took this chance to deliver Logan’s black coffee, trying to hide his embarrassment. Logan took the chance to try to pull Virgil away again, but he just whispered an apology and rejoined the others.

As the three repositioned themselves in the center of the room, the patrons all took a sip from their mugs.

_“And we'll bring it_   
_And we'll bring it”_   
_Right-_   
_Right-_   
_Right-”_

They struck a pose and harmonized.

_“And we'll bring it right up!”_

Virgil slouched out of the pose, glad to be done, but the two baristas continued to dance, perfectly in sync and still grinning. He noticed, and looked at them, surprised. “What is this??” he asked, trying to mimic their dance movements, but they were oblivious to him. “We never learned this!” They continued to ignore his protests, until he finally said, “You know what, enough. I’m sick of this.”

The other two stopped, and turned to face him, each posed with their right hand under their chin. Virgil took their silence as a sign he could continue.

“You know, when I applied here, I signed up to serve overpriced coffees and cold pastries. If I wanted to be in some musical, I’d be in a musical! I’m just trying to make ends meet while working through online school and I’m sure I can do that just was well at any other crappy cafe in Sandersville. So you know what-” Virgil took his apron off and threw it at the ponytail girls feet. “I quit.” He marched towards the door.

“You can’t quit, Virgil.” said a sweet voice. Virgil turned, the two barista’s still staring at him.

“Damn right I can.” He leaned over to Logan. “I can, right?” he whispered, and Logan nodded sharply.

“The song is so simple, Virgil! We’ll teach it to you! Why, everyone here will be singing it soon!” A few customers sitting at the tables suddenly started doubling over, coughing and gagging, and a woman near Virgil collapsed to the floor shaking. Virgil backed away.

“What is happening? Wh- What are you talking about? Zoey? Nora?”

“They’ve all had their coffee,” they continued in unison, “Their apotheosis will be upon them at any moment.”

Virgil suddenly had a thought. He ran over and grabbed the coffee pot. “What did you do to the-” He reached in, and his fingers came out slimy and blue. He dropped the pot in shock, and blue-brown slime spilled across the floor. “What the fuck?!”

The duo’s faces suddenly snapped off their grins, switching to a sinister stare at Virgil. They began singing again, advancing on the boy.

_“Get your cup of poisoned coffee-”_

“What is this, wh-what are you saying-”

_“Your toxic cup of Joey-”_

“What the fuck do you want?”

_“We'll make a twisted cup of java mocha latte with the goo for you_   
_Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack”_

Virgil yelped as they cornered him, clapping their hands violently, their grins completely replaced by glares at him. He bolted under their arms, scurrying around the customers lying still on the floor towards Logan, who was standing in shock.

_“Hey, Mr. Business_   
_How do ya, how do ya, how do ya do?”_

As they sang, the customers slowly rose to their feet and joined them, all pointing at Virgil and Logan.

“They’re singing!” Virgil was hysterical. “Why are they all singing?!”

Logan turned him and grabbed his shoulders, locking eyes with him. “We need to run, Virgil, come on!” Virgil nodded, and together they bolted out of the cafe. He also took the opportunity to smack Logan’s cup out of his hand, and the sickly brown-blue liquid spilled on the once-clean cafe floor.

_“We'll make a double for you_   
_Hey, Mr. Business_   
_And we'll bring it right up”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um so Thomas posted Virgil-in-a-skirt, and per usual he killed it, it was a whole look. Anyway, this is a totally random question but I've been needing a new show to watch, any recommendations?


	5. Show Me Your Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group's all together, and an encounter with the police doesn't go as planned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: guns, blood, the usual singing and dancing

Logan wasn’t sure how long they ran. They had run down an alleyway after fleeing the coffee shop, not sure if they were being followed, and after running a few more blocks, finally found a shaded alley where they could catch their breath. Virgil leaned against the wall and panted. Logan kept glancing around, thinking every second some singing and dancing law attorney or waitress would waltz by.

“What,” Virgil asked, still doubled over and catching his breath, “What the hell was that?”

Logan was silent. He didn’t know, and he hated not knowing, but he gave it a shot. “It appears,” he tried, “That people are being infected by some hive mind that prompts them to sing and dance as though they’re in a musical.”

“You knew something was wrong,” Virgil said, looking up at Logan, “You knew something was wrong when you came to the cafe, why didn’t I listen? I could’ve gotten those people out of there, I could’ve-”

“There was nothing you could do,” Logan said, trying to be comforting, “We’re just lucky we left when we did.”

“Darn right you are!”

Logan jumped and Virgil screamed as someone burst out of a trashcan in the alleyway. Logan stared for a moment. “Patton?”

“Hi Logan!” Patton said, waving.

“What are you doing here, Patton?”

Patton adjusted his glasses. “Well, people kept getting called into Mr. Duke’s office and coming out singing, so we figured something was wrong, and then Janus was attacked, and we ran till we decided to hide here.”

“We?” asked Virgil. His question was answered as another person appeared from behind a dumpster, and he yelped.

“Oh, sorry,” said Emile. “I’m Emile. Do you how do?” Virgil gave a wave.

“What happened to you?” asked Patton.

“Well,” Logan responded, “I too was called into Mr. Duke’s office, but was able to avoid him and went to look for answers at Beanies, that coffee shop down the road.” 

“And you had to bring company.” Janus spoke from his hiding spot behind them. Unlike the others, who looked relatively unharmed, he was sporting a large black eye across his heterochromatic green eye. Upon a questioning look from Logan, he explained. “I talked to Gina from marketing after she left Mr. Dukes, and apparently the proper reaction is a stapler to the eye. Now,” he eyed Virgil with disdain, “Are you going to introduce us?”

“Yes, right. Everyone, this is Virgil, from Beanies. Virgil, this is Patton, Emile, and Janus.” He pointed to each of them in turn.

“He has to go.” said Janus

“Um, fuck you?” Virgil responded.

“Logan, you’re smart, you can stay. We don’t know anything about this guy, he could be infected, he leaves.” Janus glared at Virgil. Virgil hissed.

“Now, Janus, we’re not sending anyone away,” Patton argued. “We’re all in this together, ok?”

“Yeah, and I’m not infected-” Virgil cut in.

Ignoring him, Janus spun around to glare at Patton now. Patton barely flinched. “He’s gonna get us killed!”

“Excuse me, but I don’t seem to recall ever doing anything to you.” Virgil said.

“Lets all just calm down here-” Emile tried to interject.

“Of course, because the one thing we were missing is some bitchy barista hurting our chances of survival.”

“Hey guys...”

“I don’t see a reason we need a pissy corporate snake, either! If you don’t like me so much why don’t you leave?”

“Because we were here first!”

“Guys!” Shouted Patton. That got their attention, and they quieted down. “Listen!”

They all went quiet as the sound of police sirens began to echo down their alley. Virgil sent one more glare at Janus, and Janus sneered. Logan pulled Virgil out of view behind a dumpster. Three people in police uniforms sauntered down the alleyway, the one in front whistling a tune as they kicked through the trash in the alley. The one in the front looked familiar from somewhere, and Logan couldn’t place it, until Emile suddenly jumped up.

“Remy!” He shouted. “Oh Remy, you’re ok!”

All three officers whipped around to face him, grinning. Remy, the officer in the front, tipped his sunglasses down. “Hey, gurl,” he said with a wink.

“Emile, no!” Patton tried to grab him as he ran past, inadvertently revealing himself to the officers as well.

“I was so worried about you, Rem, and I know you were probably ok, but this morning you left before I could talk to you, and… Rem?” He suddenly paused in front of him, as Remy hadn’t even reacted. He suddenly struck a pose, and began to sing.

_“Sir, I need you to take a step back_   
_You're facing the law, not the clerk at The Gap”_

“Remy?”

_“Yeah, we're cops_   
_Yeah, we're cops_   
_You'd better shape on up.”_

Logan cursed as he left his hiding spot to grab Emile and pull him away. “Emile, I need you to listen, he’s one of them-” He was cut off as the female cop grabbed his arms and pulled him backwards.

_“You better empty out all of them pockets_   
_But don't empty out all of them pockets”_

As Logan instinctively reached for his wallet, the cop slapped his hands away before stepping back into a dance formation with Remy.

_“Yeah, we're cops_   
_Yeah, we're cops_   
_And we make sense”_

The cops waltzed down the alley, grabbing Virgil and Patton as well and pulling them up into plain view. Janus shrunk into his hiding spot, covering his mouth with his hand and catching his breath.

_“Show me your hands!_   
_Show me those jazz hands_   
_Get 'em up or you'll end up in cuffs”_

They all pulled their cuffs from their belts.

_“Show me those hands_   
_Show me those jazz hands_   
_Or I might_   
_Be inclined_   
_To shoot you up”_

Remy grabbed Patton, the two other cops grabbing Virgil and Logan by the arms and spun them into a coordinated dance, miming movements with their arms. The cop holding Virgil continued the next verse.

_“You go forty in a thirty-five_   
_Check your mirror, you'll find hell has arrived”_

Virgil kicked the cop holding him in the shin to no reaction, while the other two struggled in the inhuman grips of the cops.

_“'Cause we're cops_   
_Yeah, we're cops_   
_We're up in your shit”_

They threw the three to the ground and continued their dance.

_“Show me your hands_   
_Show me those jazz hands_   
_Get 'em up or you'll end up in cuffs_   
_Show me your hands_   
_Show me those jazz hands_   
_Or I might_   
_Be inclined_   
_To shoot you”_

Logan was tempted to run, but the cops flashed the guns each had at their belt and he froze. He looked over and saw Virgil and Patton had noticed the same thing, although Emile still seemed frozen with shock. Janus was nowhere to be seen.

_“Step away from the vehicle_   
_Step away from the vehicle_   
_Get back in the vehicle_   
_Get back in the vehicle_   
_Slowly get out of the vehicle_   
_Slowly get out of the vehicle_   
_Do the things I say, I'm a cop”_

Logan rolled his eyes as Remy continued to sing while the male cop to his left did an intricate dance and made siren noises and the woman to his left chanted “ _get those hands up_ ”. This was why he didn’t like musicals.

_“Step away from the vehicle_   
_Step away from the vehicle_   
_Get back in the vehicle_   
_Get back in the vehicle_   
_Slowly get out of the vehicle_   
_Slowly get out of the vehicle_   
_Do the things I say_   
_I'm a cop!”_

He glanced at their small party, trying to do a headcount, and everyone seemed mostly ok… and in the corner of his eye, he saw Janus sneaking out from behind the dumpster, out of view of the singing and dancing cops. 

_“9-1-1, emergency call_   
_Got a 4-1-1, at a shopping mall_   
_Better pack your heat and utility belt_   
_Any mall rats comin' in hot, they'll melt”_

_“Sarge, that's your wife on the 9-1-1”_

_“What that bitch want, Sarge?”_

_“She wants to snug”_

_“Grab your nine millimeter and a doughnut bucket_   
_Want my badge number?”_

_“Put in your mouth and suck it!”_

Emile finally snapped out of whatever daze they were in and ran up to Remy. “Remy, please, you’re scaring me, I know you’re still in there, just…” he put his hand on Remy’s arm lovingly. “Talk to me.”

Something happened within Remy. He reached up a shaking hand and removed his dark sunglasses, revealing two wide deep coffee-brown eyes. “Emile? Babe, is that you?”

Emile smiled. “Yes Remy, oh thank goodness you can hear me I-” Remy suddenly threw his sunglasses back on and pulled his gun from his belt, cocking it at Emile. He grinned. Emile screamed.

_“Show me your hands_   
_Show me those jazz hands_   
_Get 'em up or you'll end up in cuffs_   
_Show me those hands_   
_Show me those jazz hands”_

_“Or I might_   
_Be inclined_   
_To shoot you-”_

BANG

Emile flinched, but instead Remy crumpled to reveal a panting Janus clutching a heavy metal trash can lid now splattered with blue blood. “I hate cops,” he muttered. 

The two other cops glanced at each other, seeming unsure of what to do now that their trio was down to two. Thinking fast, Virgil pulled the gun from Remy’s hand and pointed at them, and the two made some strange warbling sound and ran from the alley.

Emile dropped to his knees. “Oh my god, Remy!” He grabbed Remy’s unconscious head, gasping when he saw the odd blue blood leaking from a large gash in his skull.

“What else was I supposed to do!” shouted Janus. “Let you get shot!”

“Well you didn’t have to hit him so hard!”

“Oh, was I supposed to ask first? My bad.” 

Emile ignored him, cradling Remy’s head. Janus threw his hands to the air in exasperation, and walked off, tossing the metal lid to the side. He leaned against the wall, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

“He needs a doctor,” Emile said.

“His blood is blue!” Shouted Janus.

Patton slapped him on the arm. “Stop it!” he whispered. “Can you see he’s in dispants?”

“Do you mean distress?” Logan asked. 

Patton grinned. “But he’s not wearing a dress!”

Logan blinked. Then he looked back to Emile. “Emile, we can’t just take him to the hospital,” Logan explained. “We don’t know how many people are infected, or even if we can cure it.”

“Well we have to do something!”

Everyone went silent. Then Virgil spoke up. “I think I might know someone. My old english teacher, Professor Prince? He’s a bit kooky, and was really big on creative writing, but I was his favorite student because I was the only one who would talk to him about his Disney obsession- but anyway, I think he has a doctorate… That’s kind of like a doctor…” He glanced around. Patton gave him a thumbs up. 

“Point is i’m sure he could do something to help- he also showed me pictures once, his whole house has security, a lab, he’s like a… um…” he snapped, trying to find the correct word. “What do you call a guy who lives in like a fortress?”

Patton pointed in understanding. “A King.”

“No, no, a… a doomsday prepper, that's it! Yeah, he thinks the world is gonna end, he’s been preparing for the apocalypse for like twenty years, if we go to him, maybe he can help.”

“Okay!” said Patton, rubbing his hands together, “So we go to the King and beg for his help.”

They all looked to each other, then to Emile, who was still stroking Remy. 

“Emile,” said Logan, “I think the best thing we can do right now is get to the professor. Can you help me carry him? We can take the squad car.”

Emile gulped, then nodded. “Yeah, ok.” Together, Logan and Emile heaved Remy to his feet and carried him draped over their shoulders to the squad car at the end of the alley abandoned by the cops. Virgil pulled the keys from Remy’s pocket, hopping in the front seat, Janus reluctantly followed after some arguing with Patton. Pretty soon they were speeding through the city towards the bunker of Roman Prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I re-wrote the group's first meeting like 5 times, I'm still kind of on the fence about it but it does the job.
> 
> But that's not important! Next chapter we get ROMAN, and I'm HYPED


	6. You Tied Up My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes to see Roman Prince, and Emile and Remy have a... heart-to-heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out, so hopefully y'all like it :D
> 
> also sorry for the long wait! it might be another week till the next chapter cause i'm gonna have a lot of work this week, but I should get back on track once break starts
> 
> tw: unhealthy remile, drinking, mild swearing, mild blood/gore, character death

“What began as a series of isolated incidents has escalated into what some are calling a musical riot.”

“Good God!” Exclaimed a sharply dressed man in a maroon blazer, rising from a chair in front of a small vintage TV. “It’s spreading faster than I theorized!” He nervously moved a hand through his hair as he began to pace. He had a dramatic tone, and spoke every word with conviction.

“Despite several reports of violence, the Sandersville police have assured Channel Nine that there is no cause for alarm.”

“Because they’re part of it, Donna!” The man shouted at the screen. Donna, the news reporter, did not hear him.

“Nevertheless, our skittish neighbors in Hatchetfield have informed us that they don’t want a repeat of the Black Friday incident and have raised the G. Manetti bridge. With the ferries down for the season and no accessible means off the island, citizens are advised to stay indoors. Sandersville is effectively quarantined.”

The man finally reached forward and switched off the TV, running his hands through his hair again.

“Like fish in a barrel…” He said dramatically, looking to the sky. He paced once more. “Of course the outside world is no help! It’s up to us now, Alexa!”

He looked to his little electronic Amazon helper, which lit up and dinged in response. The man was suddenly startled by a buzz at his door. He went to check the windows, but realized he wouldn’t be able to see anything since they had been hastily boarded up. So instead he grabbed a pristine samurai sword and clutched it as he leaned into the comm by his door.

“Who is it?” He said quickly. A glitched voice came through the speaker.

“Professor Prince!”

“Don’t lie to me whoever you are! I’m Professor Prince!”

“No, Professor it’s me, Virgil Black? I’m sorry it’s just the whole town has gone crazy and I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Virgil! You’ve come to the right place my dark and stormy friend. Hold on I’ll let you in- Alexa! Open the doors!”

There was a ding, then a screeching sound of an old bunker door slowly opening and closing. Then Virgil, followed by a group of 5 people (one of which was draped across the arms of the other two), rushed into the room. Virgil spoke while the others attempted to sit the unconscious man on the chair in front of the TV.

“Oh my god thank you Professor!” said Virgil, shaking with nerves.

“Please Virgil, we’re a long way from school, call me Roman.”

“Ok, well, thank you Roman.” He said instead. “These are my friends, Logan, and, um,” he drew a blank as he gestured to the others. “Them. We came from downtown and listen, this is going to sound crazy, I hardly believe it, but everyone is-”

“-Singing?” Roman interrupted, “And dancing? Like a musical? They want you to join them and once they get you you’re a part of it!” He gestured with his hands as he spoke.

“Uh, yeah, how did you know?” Virgil asked.

“I theorized this exact scenario twenty years ago!” He exclaimed.

“...Really?” asked Logan, skeptically.

“Really!”

“Like exactly this?”

“Exactly this!”

“That… the world would become a musical.”

“You’d better believe it.” He walked over to a wall behind the TV and ripped down a curtain to reveal a convoluted board of string, pictures, notes, and various broadway posters. He gazed at the board like it was his Magnum Opus. Logan squinted at it, trying to make sense of it, but it just looked like madness.

“So that’s what’s wrong with Remy?” Emile asked worriedly. He was keeping a safe distance from the unconscious man for the time being.

“Good God,” Roman suddenly seemed to notice the unconscious man bleeding blue, “You brought one of them here??” He grabbed the sword from the wall again, swinging it towards Remy, and everyone shrieked.

“I knew we should’ve left him in the alley!” said Janus with his hands up.

“You’re a monster, Janus!” Emile shouted at him.

“Oh, right, I’m the monster, not the man bleeding blue in the chair!” Janus shouted back.

“Calm down!” Shouted Logan, who also had his hands up. “Just chill out for two seconds!”

Everyone froze at the exclamation from the normally stoic man. Roman collected himself and lowered his weapon and to asses the comatose man. “Maybe... this can be good. Providence has brought him to me. We need to cuff him to the chair, and make sure he’s secure.” He glanced around- no one moved.

“Quickly!” he said, motioning with his sword again, and Logan grabbed a pair of cuffs off Remy’s belt and with Virgil’s help cuffed him to the chair. “There’s no telling what would happen if he were awake and loose! I have been preparing for this day for decades, and now all of the answers are here! If I only had the wits to decipher them.”

He placed his sword back against the wall and dug his fingers into Remy’s gash, eliciting an “eugh” sound from Patton, and they retracted dripping in a thick blue slime. He grabbed Virgil by the shoulder, pulling him close to examine them. “Tell me, Virgil,” he said, “What does that look like to you?”

The smell wafted over to Virgil and he gagged. “Uh, god, um… some kind of blue… shit?”

Roman stared at him. “Exactly Virgil.” He raised his fingers, examining them in the light. “What the fuck is this shit?”

Logan coughed. “If I may, it looks to me like some sort of extraterrestrial pathogen-”

“I’ll tell you what it is!” Roman interrupted. “You all remember that meteor that crashed into the theater last night? I dare say it carried a deadly cargo, a contagious pathogen of extraterrestrial origin!”

Logan rolled his eyes. This man was far too dramatic for his tastes.

“Wait wait wait.” Patton glanced around, unsure. “Don’t tell me you’re talking about… Aliens? That’s crazy, I mean-”

“Well why is that so hard to believe?” Roman asked. “Think of all that we take for granted now that was once only fiction in the minds of lesser men? I mean, look no further than the phones you carry in your hands! While once a person could be blown away by a simple picture on a screen, now we have the internet, movies, social media, all within one tiny box. And with the technology we have now, a man could even edit himself into a video multiple times, as though talking to copies of himself, and share this content to millions across the globe in a matter of seconds!” 

He pondered this for a moment. “Extraordinary. And as unbelievable as this or the outbreak of musical madness may seem, the question is no longer can this be happening… but how do we stop it?”

He let that settle with the group for a moment. “I’ve got to get this blue…” he glanced at Virgil, “Shit, to the lab, and put it under a microscope. The rest of you follow me, I have a lounge with snacks and drinks, it is far more comfortable and safer than out here. I’ll point you there.”

He rushed from the room, grabbing his sword on the way and taking it with him. Virgil left after, followed by Logan and Janus. Patton had to offer some coaxing to Emile, who was still taking in the fact that his husband was infected with some sort of alien disease, but eventually, they too, left.

\---

But it didn’t take long for Emile to wander back in, to Remy’s side. After escaping from Patton's parental reach, he had found himself sitting on the floor next to Remy’s chair, quietly eating a bag of Scooby Snacks (They were just Graham crackers, really, but he appreciated the reference to the classic treat). He could almost pretend things were back to normal, as he leaned on the thin arm of the chair. Almost.

“Still heartsick over that asshole?” Said Janus, startling Emile out of his thoughts. He was leaning in the doorway, sipping wine from a tall glass, presumably found in Roman’s lounge.

Emile sighed. “What is it, Janus.”

“Saw you sneak off, and I figured you were here.”

“I wanted to be with him,” Emile said, “You know, in case he wakes up. I should be here for him.”

“When will you figure it out? That’s clearly not him anymore. He's been infected by that extra-whatever germ from the theater, he’s part of the musical hive-mind now. Just save yourself the trouble and stop caring.”

“What is wrong with you??” Emile said, getting worked up. “I know we’re all dealing with this in different ways, but to just stop caring about the world? About friends, family?”

“I don’t worry about anyone but number one, darling. And if I’m gonna die, I’m gonna go out doing the thing I love most. Drinking like there's no tomorrow- which there probably isn’t.” Janus capped this sentence with a long drink from his glass.

“Well,” responded Emile, “I care about Remy. And I’m going to help find a cure, and save him, and- and everything will go back to the way it was.”

“Emile, that guy is a dick. He doesn’t deserve your love, or your care.”

“I know!” Emile shouted. “But I still love him. I know it's wrong, but I do. Maybe that’s why I read all those counseling books,” his voice softened as he gazed at Remy. “I know that somewhere in there is the sweet, romantic guy I fell in love with. And I guess I still want to make it work.”

“I can’t believe you’re still trying, Em. You’re a nice guy, you could upgrade. But you refuse to be happy.”

Emile was silent.

Janus turned up his lip. “Fine, stay here with your dying marriage and your dying husband. Here-” He pulled the keys to the handcuffs from his pocket and tossed them at Emile’s feet. They clattered against the hard floor. “Snatched them off Specs. Do whatever you want in here, I’m done.” He finished his last drops of wine from the glass and left the room.

Emile sighed, and sat back down, leaning against Remy’s chair again. “Oh Remy, why can’t you just wake up,” he said aloud, not sure if anyone was even listening. “I know I’ve been angry with you lately, but I don’t want you to die. I just… I just want to talk to you again. Just, wake up. Please.”

He closed his eyes as he leaned against the chair.

“Emile?”

Emile yelped in shock and stood quickly, stepping away as Remy suddenly awoke, looking around confused and lost. “R-remy? Is it really you?”

“Where am I? Why am I tied to a chair?” His words slurred together as he focused on Emile.

Emile composed himself. “It’s for your own safety Rem… and ours. You’re not well, Remy.

Remy pouted at Emile. “Em, baby, I’m hurt real bad, I need a doctor.”

“Oh I know, Rem, let me get Roman, he can-” He started leaving for the door.

“No!” Remy shouted, and Emile stopped. “They left me here to die! Only you can help me now. Untie me, and we’ll leave here...” He looked up at Emile dramatically. “Together.”

_“I'm tied up, Emile,”_

“No, no, shh, please don't do that,” Emile tried.

_“Tied up with you,”_

“Oh,” Emile nervously played with his hands

_“You understand me_  
_Now hand me those keys”_

He nodded his head towards the glint of the tiny metal keys on the ground. “No, Rem you know I can’t,” Emile responded, snatching the keys up off the ground and tucking them into his pocket.

_“The keys to our youth, ha!_  
_God, we were young once_  
_Innocent and fun once_  
_And freeeee_  
_Let go of this grip on me”_

Emile looked up to see Remy attempting a dance with primarily the lower half of his body, moving his legs with infliction and thrusting them back and forth. Against his better judgement, he laughed at the movements, and began to sway to the song.

_“You tied up my heart_  
_You tied me down_  
_Now break me open_  
_With your love and mercy_  
_Emmy!”_

He hadn’t realized how close he’d gotten, and yelped as Remy suddenly used his legs to pull Emile close, swaying with the song. 

_“You're breaking my heart, Em_  
_Got my feet to the fire_  
_Just let me go_  
_And I'll love you”_

Emile suddenly caught himself, and pushed Remy off and stepped back nervously. “Oh, Rem, I love you too, but I can't let you go!”

“Emmy, babe! Apple of my eye!” His voice spiked on eye, and he did his best sad puppy impression. “Don't you twust me?”

“Well, I…”

_“I've effed up, Emile,”_

He continued his song, with a slightly sadder tone

_“Effed up with you_  
_All the booze and harlots_  
_And all the Emile’s,”_

Emile stared at him, and Remy quickly continued.

_“But they didn't count_  
_They couldn't break me_  
_You're the one who caged me_  
_In chaaaaaains,”_

Emile smiled a little, and began to dance again, cause damn if Remy wasn’t good. He could almost hear the music behind him, backing him up. And if this was the last time he would dance with Remy, he was going to have fun with it.

_“Please, take away my pain_  
_Emmy!”_

Remy tripped him up, knocking him backwards into Remy’s lap, and Emile laughed as his head nuzzled into Emile’s shoulder.

_“Let me hold you again, Em_  
_Just free up my arms_  
_And I'll give_  
_You a foot massage”_

Shit, what was he doing?! He shot off of Remy’s lap, muttering “No, no, no,” to himself, covering his ears to try and drown out the song, but the music was in his brain, his soul, his-

_“Emile!_  
_Will you ever forgive me?_  
_I'll crawl on my hands and knees_  
_If you untie me, girl_  
_And free up my heart”_

Remy swayed back and forth, and Emile swayed too, removing his hands from his ears as the sound of an ensemble filled his head, harmonizing as the two danced together (well, as best they could with Remy cuffed to a chair).

_Heart, you tied me down_

“This is kind of catchy, Rem,” Emile said, smiling.

_Now break me open_

“Ah-haaa,” Remy agreed, biting his lip sensually and getting another laugh out of Emile.

_With your love and mercy_

Suddenly Remy’s demeanor changed, his expression dropping into one of pain and shock, and the ensemble stopped as he took over again.

_“Oh fuck, I'm fading fast, I think you better come quick_  
_I really don't wanna die alone in here_  
_Time to say our goodbyes at the end of the road,”_

“Goodbyes…” Emile said, backing away, “Oh no no no, Remy, you’ll be alright, I’ll get the others, just let me-”

_“This body's not gonna last, the air is cold and thick_  
_I'm losing my last remaining hope for us”_

“No…” Emile whimpered.

_“My hands are tied in knots and I can't come home_  
_I wanna die in your arms in the evening glow”_

Whatever music Emile thought he was hearing cut out as Remy went limp in the chair, his eyes fluttering closed. Emile stared at him for a moment. “Remy? Rem? Oh, no...” 

He scrambled for the keys, pulling them from his pocket and quickly unlocking Remy’s cuffs, before going around and pulling Remy from the chair, laying him along the floor and looking for signs of life. 

His eyes started to blur with tears. “What have I done, oh what’ve I done, oh Rem…” He laid himself across Remy’s chest and hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Rem, I-”

_“Emile!”_

Emile shrieked and scrambled backwards as Remy suddenly shot up, throwing his hands to the air.

_“You brought me back from the dead, Em_  
_My light was in red_  
_I saw God, and he told me, gurl,_  
_To free up my heaaaaaart”_

Emile brushed the hair from his face, and stood, helping Remy up. The two stood face to face as the music swelled again in Emile’s head. He lost himself in Remy’s eyes as the two swayed, arms around each other.

_Heart, you tied me down_

“It’s a miracle,” Emile whispered, smiling. Remy was smiling at him as well.

_Now break me open_  
_With your love and mercy_

Remy leaned in to Emile. “Now I’m gonna free up your heart, babe,” he whispered into his ear, and Emile relaxed into him, closing his eyes.

Only for them to shoot open as a pain pierced his chest. He groaned, tasting something metallic, and looked up with blurry eyes to see Remy clutching his bloody, beating heart in his hand, gazing at it with a hungry expression. The music swelled in his ears, drowning out all sound, as his vision flickered to black and his body went limp in Remy's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip
> 
> get ready for some analogical next chapter :)

**Author's Note:**

> updates might be a bit messy cause of school
> 
> this is my first fic so input is highly appreciated!


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